Amazing Computer Techical Support help Calling

These "silly tech support calls " have been around in e-mails and online since the dawn of tech support.
They are always fun to read. I'm in the mood for a good laugh. How 'bout you?
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....
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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one...
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
********** Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
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And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

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What’s Your Favorite iMac Tip?

Yeah… I have a new iMac. Isn’t she gorgeous? I’ve been looking at getting one for awhile, to use for a machine to live stream. The live stream has been being powered using a Mac Mini that’s kind of old. It’s just underpowered, and not easy to keep everything going. So anyway, the iMac is going to run the chat and stream, and hopefully everything will run much more smoothly. I’m not sure how it will all be set up at this point, but I’m happy to have new options. I have to thank Ponzi, who gave this to me for my birthday. As a Geek, you can never have too many computers, especially if you work from home.

The best part of doing unboxing videos is being able to tease people all day. No matter what it is, I’ll leave the box sitting on my desk all day. People will join and watch, waiting to see what I’ve gotten, and what I’m going to do with it. At the time I recorded this particular video, we had nearly 900 people watching the live stream. I love when so many of you want to join us and see what we’re up to!

iMac sets the standard for elegance and power. It packs a complete, high-performance computer into its all-in-one design. With an anodized aluminum frame and glass cover, it’s striking to behold. The 20- and 24-inch glossy widescreen displays make photos and movies come alive with rich color. The use of recyclable glass and aluminum makes iMac friendlier to the environment, too.

The ultrathin Apple Keyboard perfectly complements iMac. Its anodized aluminum enclosure features low-profile keys with a crisp, responsive feel. The keyboard includes special function keys for one-touch control of Mac features, and two USB 2.0 ports provide high-speed connectivity to your iPod, Mighty Mouse, digital camera, and other devices.

With iMac, details make all the difference. For example, because it’s made from a single sheet of aluminum, you won’t see any seams or screws except for a single compartment on the bottom that provides easy access to the memory slots. The built-in iSight camera and microphone are integrated so neatly you barely notice they’re there — until you need them for a video chat.

So once I get it all out of the box, I was happy to see a wireless keyboard, and the Mighty Mouse that I love using so much. It’s always fun to unbox Apple products! I know… everyone wants me to plug this thing in. It’s a 24″ model, and was not easy to get out of the box, believe it or not. I love the design of the iMac. It’s very clean and uncluttered.

Thank you, Ponzi, for the iMac!! I know this will get a lot of use, and the stream will run much better now.

* The 12 Month Internet Millionaire.
* Happy Apple IPhone, Brand New For March 2008.
* Apple IPhone Rabid Niche Cash System.

Want to embed this video on your own site, blog, or forum? Use this code or download the video:

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Top 10 Tips to Keep Your Windows Vista Computer Running Smoothly

Are you using Vista on your computer? If so… have you had any issues with the performance, and how your computer actually runs? These tips were sent in by a community member by the name of Elis.

When I used to be on Windows XP, I always had the problem of keeping my computer running smoothly. Now that I,’m on Windows Vista the job has become much easier. Although Vista uses more resources, somehow I think it has been brilliantly built if running under optimum specs. So here is my top 10 tips on how to keep windows vista running smoothly.

His suggestions are general guidelines…

* Leave your computer on for as long as you can. I leave my computer on for months on end. Every time I restart my computer, the cache to certain folders, files etc is deleted. This means that files will open slower than normal. No harm comes from leaving your computer running, and it has been proven that there is no long term damage… apart from receiving a higher than normal electricity bill

My note: I don’t know how that was proven, but I keep my primary computer on all the time as well.
* Firewall. The Windows Firewall now has the option to configure incoming and outgoing traffic, which I think is great. It comes in very handy when you need it most.

My note: I don’t fully agree with the above tip, about using Windows Firewall. Many free firewalls are much better at protecting you than the one from Windows… such as Comodo.
* Antivirus. Get yourself a decent anti virus. Personally, I prefer ESETs NOD32 Anti virus which does a magnificent job. It is also light on resources unlike its competitors Norton and McAfee. Every month or so I do a virus scan, but nothing is usually found.
* Defragment. Defragmentation of your hard disk is very useful, as files are spread all over the place. There is nothing wrong with the built-in Windows Defragmenter, but there is a better one which is faster and has better options. O&O Defrag 10 repacks fragmented files together and optimizes your hard drives. You should check it out. You can also save 5% off Purchase using coupon code ALEX-KCBH
* Disk Cleanup. The Disk Cleanup can come in very handy usually. It’s mostly needed when things get overcrowded. I recommend you DO NOT delete the temporary internet files and thumbnails. There is also an excellent free program called ATF Cleaner. It safely cleans things like temp files, cache, java cache, and more… at the click of a button. YOU decide what you do and don’t want ATF Cleaner to clean for you.
* Keep files organized. I keep all my pictures, videos, documents… everything is organized. I truly think it is very helpful to know where all your files and folders are. This way, they are also not thrown all over the place so you forget what you’re looking for.
* Have only one instance of each type of software running at one time., such as Browsers or Antivirus. I know most people stick to Firefox, but personally I like IE7. No, I haven’t mistyped. Thats correct: Internet Explorer 7 is my choice. Web sites pop up in under a second. I have tried Firefox. Although it is brilliant with all the nice features and plug ins, I find them irrelevant. IE7 does a marvelous job for me.
* Delete software that you do not need from “Remove Programs.” I used to have a ton of software on my computer. These were usually things I did not need or didn’t use. I know some software may be considered ‘cool’ to have so you can brag to your friends about them. But when they have no use… they are just wasting computer resources.
* Startup programs. MSCONFIG does a magnificent job on helping you choose what programs should start and what shouldn’t, although it is up to you. If you haven’t heard of msconfig before then here’s how to open it! Click “Start”, then “search”. Type msconfig, and click “enter”. After it has appeared, go to the “startup” tab, and choose what irrelevant programs you want to cancel from starting. Keep in mind that you cannot disable things like display drivers, and any other necessary system files/programs.
* Running Programs. Always check what programs/processes you have running on your computer through the task manager. It usually helps because some programs will stop responding in the background if you have one that is taking up a huge amount of resources. You might experience some lag.

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New Tech for Computers in 2008-2010

New Tech for Computers in 2008-2010

* DisplayPort - more anti copying protection and new plug , supports high def
* USB3 - more anti copying protection and new plug , supports faster speed
* CPU's that have more cores
* Intel CPU's that have memory controllers on board
* WiMax Wireless (different from 54g)
* SD cards with bigger sizes used as os drives more.
* Multi-touch touch screens
* 10g Ethernet

Anyone else heard of new things for Computers that Ive missed ?

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Top 100 Universities for Computer Science

1. Stanford University ---- ckgaa@forsythe.stanford.edu
2. Massachusetts Institute of Technology ---- mitgrad@mit.edu
3. University of California - Berkeley ---- gradadm@eecs.berkeley.edu
4. Carnegie Mellon University ---- apps@ece.cmu.edu
5. Cornell University ---- engr_admissions-mailbox@cornell.edu
6. Princeton University ---- gradinfo@cs.princeton.edu
7. University of Texas - Austin ---- adgrd@utxdp.dp.utexas.edu
8. University of Illinois - Urbana-Champaign ---- application@ece.uiuc.edu
9. University of Washington ---- uwgrad@u.washington.edu
10. University of Wisconsin - Madison ---- egradvisor@engr.wisc.edu
11. Harvard University ---- adm@hugsas.harvard.edu
12. California Institute of Technology ---- gradofc@cco.caltech.edu
13. Brown University ---- admission_graduate@brown.edu
14. University of California - Los Angeles ---- diane@ea.ucla.edu
15. Yale University ---- graduate.admissions@yale.edu
16. University of Maryland - College Park ---- cmscgrad@deans.umd.edu
17. University of Massachusetts - Amherst ---- gradapp@umassp.edu
18. Rice University ---- deng@rice.edu
19. University of Southern California ---- gradapp@enroll1.usc.edu
20. University of Michigan - Ann Arbor ---- dawnf@umich.edu
21. Columbia University (Fu Foundation) ---- seasgradmit@columbia.edu
22. University of California - San Diego ---- gradinfo@cs.ucsd.edu
23. University of Pennsylvania ---- engadmis@seas.upenn.edu
24. Purdue University - West Lafayette ---- gradinfo@purdue.edu
25. Rutgers State University - New Brunswick ---- graduateadmissions@rutgers.edu
26. Duke University ---- grad-admissions@duke.edu
27. University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill ---- seaelle@unc.edu
28. University of Rochester ---- graddean@seas.rochester.edu
29. SUNY - Stony Brook ---- graduate.school@sunysb.edu
30. Georgia Institute of Technology
31. University of Arizona ---- gradadm@lorax.admin.arizona.edu
32. University of California - Irvine ---- jdsommer@uci.edu
33. University of Virginia ---- inquiry@cs.virginia.edu
34. Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis ----grad_me@engr.iupui.edu
35. Johns Hopkins University ---- grad_adm@jhu.edu
36. Northwestern University ---- gradapp@nwu.edu
37. Ohio State University ---- admissions@osu.edu
38. University of Colorado - Boulder ---- pamw@schof.colorado.edu
39. University of Utah ---- grad-coordinator@cs.utah.edu
40. Oregon Graduate Inst. of Science and Technology ---- admissions@admin.ogi.edu
41. University of Pittsburgh ---- admin@engrng.pitt.edu
42. Syracuse University ---- gradinfo@syr.edu
43. University of Pennsylvania ---- engadmis@seas.upenn.edu
44. University of Florida ---- admissions@eng.ufl.edu
45. University of Minnesota ---- gsadmit@maroon.tc.umn.edu
46. University of California - Santa Barbara ---- engrdean@engineering.ucsb.edu
47. Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute ---- grad-services@rpi.edu
48. Univ of California-Santa Cruz ---- mullane@cse.ucsc.edu
49. University of Illinois - Chicago ---- laura@eecs.uic.edu
50. Washington University in St. Louis ---- gradengineering@seas.wustl.edu
51. Michigan State University ---- kreh@egr.msu.edu
52. Pennsylvania State University - University Park ---- gadm@psu.edu
53. CUNY - City College ---- admissions@crow.admit.ccny.cuny.edu
54. Dartmouth College ---- thayer.admissions@dartmouth.edu
55. Boston University University of California - Davis ---- gradinfo@ece.ucdavis.edu
56. SUNY - Buffalo ---- slking@eng.buffalo.edu
57. North Carolina State University ---- graduate_admissions@ncsu.edu
58. Arizona State University ---- asuengr@asu.edu
59. University of Iowa ---- admissions@uiowa.edu
60. Texas A&M University - College Station ---- eapo@tamu.edu
61. University of Oregon ---- osuadmit@ccmail.orst.edu
62. University of Kentucky ---- jreese@pop.uky.edu
63. Virginia Tech ---- mcpherso@vt.edu
64. Case Western Reserve University ---- grad@b63810.student.cwru.edu
65. George Washington University ---- adms@seas.gwu.edu
66. University of South Florida ---- kjohnson@eng.usf.edu
67. Temple University ---- sbiswas@vm.temple.edu
68. Oregon State University ---- osuadmit@ccmail.orst.edu
69. University of Southwestern Louisiana ---- admissions@usl.edu
70. Vanderbilt University ---- barbara.amann@vanderbilt.edu
71. University of Nebraska-Lincoln ---- grad_admissions@unl.edu
72. University of Houston ---- gradinfo@cs.uh.edu
73. University of Texas at Dallas ---- grad-admissions@utdallas.edu
74. Louisiana State U & A&M College
75. Iowa State University ---- grad_admissions@iastate.edu
76. New Mexico State University
77. Wayne State University ---- m.t.wood@wayne.edu
78. Washington State University
79. Kansas State University ---- gradschool@ksu.edu
80. University of Central Florida
81. United States Naval Postgraduate School ---- tcalhoon@nps.navy.mill
82. University of Texas - Arlington ---- graduate.school@uta.edu
83. University of Kansas ---- dwales@ukans.edu
84. University of Alabama - Huntsville ---- admitme@email.uah.edu
85. Old Dominion University ---- admit@odu.edu
86. University of Maryland Baltimore County ---- umbcgrad@umbc.edu
87. Southern Methodist University ---- valerin@seas.smu.edu
88. Illinois Institute of Technology ---- grad@minna.acc.iit.edu
89. University of Connecticut ---- mbalinsk@gris.grad.uconn.edu
90. University of South Carolina ---- info@engr.sc.edu
91. Florida State University ---- gaitrosd@cs.fsu.edu
92. Lehigh University ---- ineas@lehigh.edu
93. University of Massachusetts - Lowell ---- graduate_school@uml.edu
94. University of Alabama - Birmingham
95. Mississippi State University ---- student@grad.msstat
96. Kent State University ---- dbarber@emerald.educ.kent.edu
97. University of Oklahoma ---- admrec@ouwww.ucs.ou
98. Tulane University ---- emichael@mailhost.tcs.tulane.edu
99. Stevens Institute of Technology ---- jcuddy@stevens-tec
100. Worcester Polytechnic Institute ---- gao@wpi.edu

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Apple Computer's iMac With a Transparent Screen

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Qwest CEO among Candidates for Motorola's Top Post.

By Barbara Rose, Chicago Tribune Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News

Oct. 8--Richard Notebaert, Chairman and CEO of Qwest Communications International Inc., is among several candidates contacted in the search to replace Motorola Inc. CEO Christopher Galvin, according to sources familiar with the search.

The job would be a homecoming for the 55-year-old telecom veteran, who led the former Ameritech Corp. until its sale to SBC Communications Inc. in 1999 before jumping to equipment maker Tellabs Inc. as CEO.

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